When does win-win work and why doesn’t it sometimes work?
In relationships, personal or business. The very well-known win-win concept, which helps create a space for synergy, was coined by the late Stephen Covey and is a virtuoso and high-integrity model. This model asks us to look to nature for the answers to communication styles and conflict resolution, look inside, and “lean in” and become more vulnerable through listening to understand first before responding.
Win-win works in more black-and-white situations where there are possibly fewer variables. Win-win can even work after unhealthy win-lose, lose-win, or lose-lose relationships or situations. However, some new boundaries need to be re-established, and a win-win mindset needs to be a priority. Where there is a deep desire to know the other half’s heart and to see the other person as a soul, just like yourself, instead of an instigator or a “problem,” that’s where things can start to change. Relationships take time to build trust and understanding. It seems most people want the secondary to submit to “win.” Close a sale. Control the outcome. Or drive the line.
People who think only to receive the best possible outcome for themselves, no matter the cost, can be a situation we cannot agree to live by or work together. We call them deal breakers. Ego takes over, and self-preservation wins. In some cases, greed follows, backed by rational behavior, justifying our actions.
When that happens, we can justify white lies, breaking promises, lack of integrity, and mistreating others for personal gain. This all too often results in disconnection with self, loss of awareness and trust in/of others, and ultimately, creating a false reality.
Sadly, I’ve had to learn this the hard way in the past five years. In many spaces, and at any time, there is more than one interaction or group dynamics involved, like business, work, school, sports teams, bands, or musical groups, and personal relationships can be potential places where trust and integrity can be violated. This has left me to question myself and look deeper into what to do, how to change, and how to respond. During these processes and the most challenging times, I’ve learned to trust my intuition, know that humility is a gift, and tap into stillness.
I’ve been able to redefine what living with faith is, who real friends are, who are business-only connections, who not to do business with, and how to lean on intuition in clutch situations.
These lessons have been invaluable teaching moments. And I’ve learned that what sounds like a win-win is when backed with real action. That action still speaks more than words. Contrary to popular social or now acceptable behavior, these golden rules of life integrity, trust, and outcome- matter. These attributes or characteristics help to build each other up through kindness and goodwill, and in a faithless world, When people fail us, we can look to these truths that cross culture, language barriers, and differences. When applied, these principles rebuild trust where trust is lost. That there are people who show up, no matter what.
Why not?
There’s so much more purpose in life when you understand who you are called to serve. You have people to serve when you have resources available to you. Who knows what personal discoveries can change the world or even one person at a time? It would be worth the pursuit.
Making the decision to become a forever learner and a student of life in the pursuit of fulfillment, joy, and the process has ultimately produced more joy in being present and joy in the ups and downs of life. For example, when you say enough to “win-win,” that’s turned into “win-lose,” and say no thank you to energy or people who aren’t for you.
Or how to speak your truth, even when it’s hard, and say, “I will not be a part of something that is no longer serving, helpful, or fulfilling.” This is when we learn not to people-please and let go of “doing it all.”
When we liberate ourselves from needing to please others, we unleash positive energy into the universe. It’s about letting go, trusting in a higher power, and allowing the universe to work out the rest.
When we say win-win, we choose things that establish boundaries and honor our inner voice and knowing.
So, today, I ask that you go WIN-WIN and start saying yes to what is serving you, not what isn’t, so you can more deeply serve the community, your family, and your friends.
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